By Cheryl Burgess, Integrative Relational Psychotherapist and Therapeutic Counsellor, Achieve Wellbeing Therapy
If you have found yourself here because you have recently lost your dog, I want to begin by saying something that many people need to hear: your grief is real. The pain you are feeling is not “just” about losing a pet. It is not silly, excessive, dramatic, or something you should simply get over. The relationship you had with your dog mattered, and the loss of that relationship deserves to be acknowledged with compassion and understanding.
As a therapist, I have sat with many people navigating the heartbreak of pet loss. As a dog lover who has experienced the loss of beloved companions myself, I also understand that there can be a particular kind of emptiness that follows when a dog dies. Their absence can be felt in every corner of the home, every daily routine, and every quiet moment of the day. For many people, a dog is never “just a dog.” They are family, confidant, protector, companion, and source of unconditional love. When they die, a piece of our world changes forever.
Why Does Losing a Dog Hurt So Much?
Dogs become woven into the fabric of our everyday lives in ways that few relationships do. They greet us at the door after difficult days. They sit beside us during periods of loneliness, illness, heartbreak, and grief. They celebrate our joys without judgement and offer comfort without needing words.
Research has consistently shown that the bond between humans and companion animals can be profound, with many owners describing their pets as family members and attachment figures (Hughes and Harkin, 2022; Testoni et al., 2019). The emotional connection formed with a dog often provides feelings of security, comfort, consistency, and unconditional acceptance. Unlike many human relationships, dogs rarely criticise, reject, or abandon us. They simply love us. When that relationship ends through death, it is entirely understandable that the grief can feel overwhelming.
“It Was Only a Dog”: The Pain of Disenfranchised Grief
One of the most difficult aspects of pet bereavement is that it is often misunderstood by others. Some people may minimise your loss with comments such as “You can always get another dog,” “At least it wasn’t a person,” or “It was only a pet.” While these comments are often well-intentioned, they can leave grieving owners feeling isolated, ashamed, or reluctant to talk about their pain.
Researchers describe this experience as disenfranchised grief, grief that is not fully recognised or validated by society (Packman et al., 2014; Hunt and Padilla, 2021). Many bereaved pet owners report feeling embarrassed about the intensity of their emotions or believe they should be coping better than they are. Yet studies consistently demonstrate that grief following the death of a companion animal can be comparable in intensity to grief experienced following the death of a human loved one (Cleary et al., 2022; Hughes and Harkin, 2022). Your grief does not need anyone else’s approval to be legitimate.
The Different Faces of Pet Loss Grief
There is no single correct way to grieve. You may experience intense sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, anxiety, relief (particularly if your dog had been suffering), numbness, shock, difficulty concentrating, or changes in sleep or appetite. You may cry frequently, or you may find yourself unable to cry at all.
Many people are surprised by the guilt that can accompany pet loss, particularly when euthanasia was involved. Questions such as “Did I make the decision too soon?”, “Did I wait too long?”, “Could I have done more?” and “Did they know how much I loved them?” are incredibly common. In my experience as a therapist, these questions rarely arise because someone failed their dog. They arise because they loved them deeply. The weight of responsibility that comes with making end-of-life decisions for a beloved companion can be immense. Often, beneath the guilt is a heart trying desperately to make sense of an impossible goodbye.
The Loss of More Than a Dog
When a dog dies, we are often grieving more than their physical absence. We may also be grieving the routines we shared, the identity we held as their owner, the future we imagined together, the sense of purpose they gave us, and the unconditional companionship they offered.
For some people, their dog may have been present through significant life events such as bereavement, illness, divorce, mental health struggles, or periods of loneliness. Their dog may have witnessed chapters of life that no one else fully understands. In these circumstances, losing them can feel as though we have lost a living connection to a particular part of ourselves.
There Is No Timeline for Healing
One of the questions I hear most often is “How long should this take?” The honest answer is that grief does not work according to a schedule. Some people begin to feel more settled after a few months. Others find that waves of grief continue to arise years later. Healing does not mean forgetting. Healing does not mean no longer missing them. Healing means gradually learning how to carry both the love and the loss together.
Many grief researchers now recognise that maintaining an ongoing emotional connection with a loved one after death can be a healthy part of adaptation and healing (Hughes and Harkin, 2022). You do not need to stop loving your dog in order to move forward.
Ways to Care for Yourself During Pet Bereavement
If you are grieving the loss of a dog, consider offering yourself the same compassion you would offer a close friend.
Talk About Them
Share stories and memories with people who understand the significance of your loss.
Create a Memorial
Some people find comfort in creating photo albums, memory boxes, planting a tree, or writing letters to their dog.
Allow Your Feelings
There is no need to rush your grief or force yourself to stay strong.
Maintain Gentle Routines
Grief can be exhausting. Small acts of self-care such as eating regularly, resting, spending time outdoors, and seeking connection can provide important stability.
Seek Support
If your grief feels overwhelming or isolating, speaking with a therapist can provide a safe space to process your emotions without judgement.
A Final Thought
If you are grieving a dog right now, I want you to know that your pain reflects the depth of your love. The heartbreak you feel today exists because there was something precious worth grieving. Your dog may have occupied only part of your life, but to them, you were their whole world. The walks, the cuddles, the conversations they never fully understood but listened to anyway, the comfort they offered on difficult days: those things mattered.
Love leaves an imprint. And although grief can feel impossibly heavy, the relationship you shared does not disappear simply because your dog is no longer physically present. The bond remains. The memories remain. The love remains. And in time, alongside the sadness, those memories may once again bring warmth, gratitude, and even moments of peace.
If you have suffered a pet loss, or any of this resonates, please do not hesitate to reach out. Therapy can provide the compassion and understanding you need. Get in touch to book a free initial consultation.
References
Cleary, M., West, S., Thapa, D.K., Westman, M., Vesk, K. and Kornhaber, R. (2022) ‘Grieving the loss of a pet: A qualitative systematic review’, Death Studies, 46(9), pp. 2167-2178.
Hughes, B. and Harkin, B.L. (2022) ‘The impact of continuing bonds between pet owners and their pets following the death of their pet: A systematic narrative synthesis’, Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 90(4).
Hunt, M. and Padilla, Y. (2021) ‘A literature review: Pet bereavement and coping mechanisms’, Journal of Loss and Trauma, 26(5), pp. 382-403.
Lykins, A.D., McGreevy, P.D., Bennett, B., Paul, N.K. and Gotsis, N. (2024) ‘Attachment styles, continuing bonds, and grief following companion animal death’, Death Studies, 48(7), pp. 698-705.
Packman, W., Carmack, B.J., Katz, R., Carlos, F., Field, N.P. and Landers, C. (2014) ‘Online survey as empathic bridging for the disenfranchised grief of pet loss’, OMEGA: Journal of Death and Dying, 69(4), pp. 333-356.
Testoni, I., De Cataldo, L., Ronconi, L. and Zamperini, A. (2019) ‘Pet humanisation and related grief: Development and validation of a structured questionnaire instrument to evaluate grief in people who have lost a companion dog’, Animals, 9(11), 933.
Article 2: Bereavement, Grief and Unprocessed Loss
