Written by Cheryl Burgess, Integrative Relational Psychotherapist and Therapeutic Counsellor | 25 May 2026
Many of the people who come to therapy have a feeling that something is not quite right, but they cannot always explain why. They may struggle with anxiety, find relationships difficult, feel overwhelmed by emotions, constantly worry about what others think of them, or repeat patterns in life that leave them feeling frustrated and stuck. Often they ask themselves questions such as: “Why do I react like this?” “Why do I find it so hard to trust people?” “Why do I always put everyone else first?” “Why do I feel so anxious even when everything seems okay?”
Very often, the answers can be found by understanding our early experiences and the impact they have had on the developing brain, nervous system and sense of self. Two terms that are frequently discussed in therapy are attachment and developmental trauma. Although they are closely connected, they are not the same thing. Understanding the difference can be incredibly empowering because it helps us make sense of our experiences with greater compassion and understanding.
What Is Childhood Attachment?
Attachment refers to the emotional bond that develops between a child and their primary caregiver. Attachment theory, originally developed by John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, suggests that children learn about themselves, others and the world through their earliest relationships (Bowlby, 1969; Ainsworth et al., 1978).
When a caregiver is generally available, responsive and emotionally attuned, children begin to develop what is known as secure attachment. They learn that others can be trusted, that their emotions matter and that support is available when they need it. Over time, these experiences create internal beliefs about relationships and safety. Children who experience secure attachment are more likely to develop healthy emotional regulation, confidence, resilience and positive relationships throughout life.
Importantly, attachment does not require perfect parenting. Research suggests children benefit from caregivers being “good enough” rather than perfect. What matters most is that a child experiences consistency, repair following ruptures and an overall sense of safety and connection.
How Attachment Shapes the Developing Brain
One of the most fascinating aspects of attachment research is what it tells us about brain development. During infancy and early childhood, the brain develops rapidly. The right hemisphere of the brain, which plays a significant role in emotional processing and regulation, develops largely through interactions with caregivers (Schore, 2001).
When a caregiver consistently responds to a distressed child with comfort and reassurance, the child gradually learns how to soothe themselves. Through thousands of these interactions, the child’s nervous system learns that stress can be managed and that safety can be restored. Secure attachment supports the healthy development of emotional regulation, stress management systems, self-esteem, social connection, resilience and trust in relationships. In many ways, caregivers help shape the developing architecture of the brain through repeated experiences of connection and co-regulation.
What Is Childhood Developmental Trauma?
Developmental trauma occurs when the environment that should provide safety instead becomes a source of fear, unpredictability, neglect or harm. This may include emotional neglect, physical neglect, emotional or physical abuse, sexual abuse, exposure to domestic violence, parental substance misuse, chronic instability, or frightening and unpredictable caregiving.
Unlike a single traumatic event, developmental trauma often occurs repeatedly over time during important stages of childhood development. For many children, the very person they depend upon for comfort and protection may also become the source of fear. This creates a profound dilemma for the developing brain and nervous system.
Children cannot simply walk away from caregivers. Instead, they adapt. They become hypervigilant. They learn to scan for danger. They suppress emotions. They become people-pleasers. They avoid conflict. They become highly independent. They learn to survive in whatever way they can. These adaptations are not signs of weakness. They are signs of incredible resilience and survival. The challenge is that the strategies which helped us survive childhood do not always serve us well in adulthood.
When Attachment and Trauma Intersect
One of the most important distinctions to understand is that developmental trauma is not simply poor attachment. Trauma can disrupt attachment, but developmental trauma involves something deeper. It represents repeated experiences that overwhelm a child’s ability to cope and interfere with healthy neurological, emotional and relational development.
Research has shown that children exposed to frightening or inconsistent caregiving can develop disorganised attachment patterns (Main and Solomon, 1990). This occurs when the caregiver is simultaneously experienced as both a source of comfort and a source of fear. As a result, children may struggle to develop a coherent sense of safety, trust and emotional regulation.
How Developmental Trauma Affects the Brain
Modern neuroscience has transformed our understanding of trauma. We now know that trauma is not simply a psychological experience. It also affects the developing brain and nervous system. Research suggests developmental trauma may contribute to increased activation of the amygdala, making individuals more sensitive to perceived threats, difficulties regulating emotions, chronic activation of fight, flight, freeze or fawn responses, changes in stress hormone regulation, dissociation or emotional shutdown, and difficulties integrating thoughts, emotions and bodily experiences.
As Allan Schore’s work demonstrates, early relational trauma can significantly affect the development of systems responsible for emotional regulation and stress management (Schore, 2002). Again, these adaptations are not evidence that something is wrong with you. They are evidence that your brain and body did exactly what they needed to do in order to survive difficult circumstances.
The ACE Study: Why Childhood Experiences Matter
One of the most influential pieces of research in this area is the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study conducted by Dr Vincent Felitti and colleagues in partnership with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The study examined the long-term impact of adverse childhood experiences such as abuse, neglect, domestic violence, parental mental illness, substance misuse and family dysfunction (Felitti et al., 1998).
What researchers discovered was a clear relationship between the number of adverse experiences a person encountered in childhood and their likelihood of experiencing difficulties later in life. The higher an individual’s ACE score, the greater their risk of developing anxiety and depression, substance misuse difficulties, relationship challenges, chronic health conditions, heart disease, diabetes and increased stress-related difficulties.
The ACE Study demonstrated something incredibly important: childhood experiences do not simply stay in childhood. They can influence emotional wellbeing, physical health and relationships across the lifespan.
However, there is a message of hope within this research. An ACE score is not a prediction of your future. It is not a life sentence. Many people with high ACE scores go on to build healthy relationships, fulfilling careers and meaningful lives. Research consistently shows that supportive relationships, therapy, self-awareness and opportunities for healing can significantly reduce the long-term impact of childhood adversity.
How Early Experiences Can Show Up in Adult Life
Many adults are unaware that some of their current struggles may have roots in early attachment experiences or developmental trauma. Common difficulties can include anxiety and excessive worry, emotional overwhelm, low self-worth, people-pleasing, perfectionism, difficulty trusting others, fear of abandonment, challenges with boundaries, relationship difficulties, emotional numbness, hypervigilance and chronic self-criticism.
Often these patterns developed for very good reasons. The child who learned to constantly monitor others may become the adult who struggles to relax. The child who learned to suppress emotions may become the adult who struggles to identify their feelings. The child who learned that love was unpredictable may become the adult who fears intimacy or abandonment.
Understanding these patterns is not about blaming parents or dwelling in the past. It is about developing insight and self-compassion. When we understand why we developed certain ways of coping, we can begin to choose whether those strategies still serve us today.
Healing Is Possible
One of the most encouraging findings from attachment and trauma research is that human beings remain capable of growth and change throughout life. The brain continues to adapt. New neural pathways can form. New experiences can reshape old beliefs. Healthy relationships can provide corrective emotional experiences. Therapy can offer a safe space to explore your story, understand how your past may be influencing your present and develop new ways of relating to yourself and others.
Many people come to therapy believing they are broken. I do not believe that. What I see are individuals who adapted brilliantly to circumstances that may have been incredibly difficult. The challenge is that those adaptations are sometimes no longer needed and may now be causing distress. Healing is often about understanding those adaptations, appreciating why they developed and gently creating new ways of responding to life that better reflect who you are today.
Why Understanding the Difference Matters
Understanding the difference between attachment and developmental trauma helps us move away from self-blame and towards self-understanding. It reminds us that many of our struggles make sense in the context of our experiences. It helps us recognise that trauma is not simply a behavioural issue or a character flaw. It is often a neurobiological response to experiences that overwhelmed our capacity to cope.
Most importantly, understanding attachment and developmental trauma reminds us that healing is possible. The past may help explain where we are today, but it does not have to determine where we go next. With insight, support, self-compassion and safe relationships, people can develop greater resilience, healthier relationships and a stronger sense of who they are.
And perhaps that is one of the most hopeful messages therapy can offer: you are not defined by what happened to you. You are far more than your experiences, and growth remains possible throughout every stage of life.
Written by Cheryl Burgess, Trauma and Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist and Therapeutic Counsellor. Cheryl specialises in working with adults experiencing anxiety, relationship difficulties, developmental trauma, attachment wounds and emotional overwhelm.
If this article resonates with you, I offer a safe therapeutic space to explore your attachment story, understand how early experiences may be shaping your present, and develop a stronger, more grounded sense of self. Get in touch to book a free initial consultation.
References
Ainsworth, M.D.S., Blehar, M.C., Waters, E. and Wall, S. (1978) Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Bowlby, J. (1969) Attachment and Loss. Volume I: Attachment. London: Hogarth Press.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) (2024) About the CDC-Kaiser ACE Study. Available at: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.html (Accessed: 3 June 2026).
Felitti, V.J., Anda, R.F., Nordenberg, D., Williamson, D.F., Spitz, A.M., Edwards, V., Koss, M.P. and Marks, J.S. (1998) ‘Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults: The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study’, American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4), pp. 245-258.
Main, M. and Solomon, J. (1990) ‘Procedures for identifying infants as disorganized/disoriented during the Ainsworth Strange Situation’, in Greenberg, M.T., Cicchetti, D. and Cummings, E.M. (eds.) Attachment in the Preschool Years. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, pp. 121-160.
Schore, A.N. (2001) ‘Effects of a secure attachment relationship on right brain development, affect regulation and infant mental health’, Infant Mental Health Journal, 22(1-2), pp. 7-66.
Schore, A.N. (2002) ‘Dysregulation of the right brain: A fundamental mechanism of traumatic attachment and the psychopathogenesis of posttraumatic stress disorder’, Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, 36(1), pp. 9-30.
Siegel, D.J. (2012) The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. 2nd edn. New York: Guilford Press.
van der Kolk, B.A. (2015) The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma. London: Penguin Books.
