By Cheryl Burgess, Integrative Relational Psychotherapist and Therapeutic Counsellor, Achieve Wellbeing Therapy | 7 June 2026
If you have found your way to this page because you are grieving the loss of someone you love, I want to begin by saying that I am truly sorry for your loss. Whether your bereavement happened recently, months ago, or many years ago, grief can feel overwhelming, confusing and at times incredibly lonely. As a therapist, I often meet people who feel they should be coping better, moving on more quickly, or somehow getting over it by now.
The truth is that grief does not work like that. There are no right or wrong ways to grieve. There is no timetable. There is no deadline. And there is certainly no point at which you should simply stop missing someone who mattered deeply to you.
Why Grief Is Different for Everyone
One of the most important things I want you to know is that your grief is your own. No two people experience bereavement in exactly the same way, even when they have lost the same person. Some people cry openly. Others become quiet and withdrawn. Some want to talk constantly about the person they have lost, whilst others struggle to find the words. All of these responses can be completely normal.
Unfortunately, bereaved people are often met with comments that can feel hurtful or dismissive, such as “You just need to get on with your life,” “You need to move on,” or “Just get over it.” Although these comments are often intended to help, they can leave people feeling misunderstood and alone. When someone you love dies, your relationship with them changes, but the love you have for them does not simply disappear because time has passed. It is because of the depth of love and connection that grief and bereavement can feel so very painful.
Grief Often Comes in Waves
Many of the clients I support through grief therapy describe their grief as arriving in waves. You may have days, weeks or even months where life feels more manageable, only to be suddenly overwhelmed by sadness, longing or emotion. A birthday. A song. A familiar smell. A family gathering. A photograph. A place you once visited together. Grief can be triggered by the smallest reminder and catch us completely off guard.
This does not mean you are going backwards. It does not mean you are grieving incorrectly. It simply means your loss remains significant and your connection to that person continues to matter.
What Is Unprocessed or Delayed Grief?
Sometimes grief is not fully processed at the time of the loss. You may have had practical responsibilities to manage, children to care for, work commitments, or other people depending on you. Perhaps you felt you had to stay strong for everyone else. In some cases, the mind protects us by putting grief to one side until we are emotionally ready to face it. This is often known as delayed grief or unprocessed grief. Months, years, or even decades later, the feelings connected to that loss may begin to emerge.
Many people come to bereavement counselling without realising that what they are experiencing is linked to a loss from long ago, or may be compounded by many losses in their lives over the years.
Signs of Unprocessed Grief
Unresolved grief can affect emotional, physical and psychological wellbeing. Some common signs include persistent sadness, irritability or increased anger, anxiety, sleep difficulties, feeling emotionally numb, difficulty concentrating, feeling disconnected from others, loss of motivation, ongoing feelings of guilt, tearfulness that seems to come from nowhere, physical exhaustion or fatigue, and feeling stuck despite wanting to move forward.
If you recognise yourself in some of these experiences, you are not alone. Often these are signs that a loss is still asking to be acknowledged, understood and gently processed.
Ways to Support Yourself Through Grief
Whilst there is no quick fix for grief, there are ways to support yourself with compassion and kindness.
Talk About Your Loved Ones
One of the saddest things many bereaved people experience is that others stop mentioning the person who died. Yet often the very thing we need is permission to speak their name. Talk about them. Share stories. Remember their quirks, their humour and the moments that mattered. Keeping someone’s memory alive can be deeply healing.
Reach Out to People You Trust
Grief can make us withdraw from others, but connection can be an important part of healing. Whether it is a trusted friend, family member, support group or therapist, talking openly about your experience can help you feel less alone. Remember, friends and relatives may not always know the right way to support you, and often can cause unintentional upset when they really do not mean to.
Look Through Photographs and Memories
Sometimes we avoid photographs because they feel painful. At other times, looking through old photo albums can reconnect us with precious memories and remind us of the love that still exists. Grief and love often sit side by side.
Write a Letter
Writing can be a powerful way to process emotions. You might write a letter to the person who died and tell them everything you never had the opportunity to say. You might share what has happened in your life since they left. You might simply tell them how much they are missed. There is no right way to do this. Only your way.
Spend Time in Nature
Nature has a remarkable ability to support emotional wellbeing. A regular walk, time by the sea, sitting in a favourite outdoor space or simply noticing the changing seasons can create moments of calm when grief feels overwhelming.
The Comfort and Healing Presence of Pets
For many people navigating grief and bereavement, pets can become a valuable source of comfort and emotional support. Spending time with animals can encourage the release of oxytocin, often referred to as the bonding hormone, whilst reducing stress hormones such as cortisol. Unlike people, pets do not tell us how we should feel. They do not expect us to be coping better or moving on more quickly. They offer companionship, affection and acceptance exactly as we are. On days when grief feels especially heavy, the simple presence of a pet sitting beside you can provide a sense of comfort and connection. Caring for an animal can also provide a sense of purpose and structure during a time when everything else may feel uncertain.
Move Your Body
Grief affects the body as much as the mind. Gentle exercise can help improve sleep, reduce stress and support emotional wellbeing through the release of natural mood-enhancing chemicals. This could be walking, swimming, cycling, yoga, gardening or anything that feels manageable for you.
Create Meaningful Rituals
Many people find comfort in honouring the person they have lost, through lighting a candle, visiting a meaningful place, celebrating birthdays and anniversaries, cooking their favourite meal, planting flowers or a tree in their memory, or supporting a cause they cared about. Continuing to remember someone is not the same as being unable to move forward. For many people, it becomes part of how they move forward and through the grief.
How Bereavement Counselling and Grief Therapy Can Help
Therapy should offer compassion, understanding and the space for you to explore your feelings without judgement or pressure to feel a certain way. Therapy should be at your pace and individually tailored to you and what you need.
Bereavement counselling provides a safe and supportive environment where you can explore your thoughts, emotions and memories at your own pace. Whether your loss is recent or occurred many years ago, therapy can help you understand your grief experience, process delayed or unresolved grief, explore difficult emotions such as guilt, anger or regret, develop ways of coping with grief triggers, reduce feelings of isolation, and reconnect with yourself and your life after loss. Most importantly, therapy offers a space where your grief can simply be heard, without pressure to move on, without being told how you should feel, and without judgement.
Grief Support with Cheryl Burgess at Achieve Wellbeing Therapy
At Achieve Wellbeing Therapy, I offer a warm, compassionate and confidential space for adults experiencing bereavement, grief and loss. Whether you are struggling with recent bereavement, unprocessed grief from many years ago, or feelings that seem connected to a significant loss, we can work together to explore what you are experiencing and help you find a way forward that feels right for you. My approach is gentle, supportive and tailored to you as an individual, because no two grief journeys are the same. You do not have to carry your grief alone.
A Final Message
There is no right way to grieve. There is no wrong way to grieve. There is no time limit on love. Missing someone years after they have died does not mean you are stuck. It simply shows the depth of your love and connection to the person who has passed. They mattered, and you mattered to them. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. And if your grief feels too heavy to carry alone, support is available.
Helpful Bereavement Support Resources
Cruse Bereavement Support – UK-wide bereavement support, information and helplines.
Winston’s Wish – Specialist bereavement support for children and young people.
Child Bereavement UK – Support for children, young people, parents and families after bereavement.
The Good Grief Trust – A UK network of bereavement organisations and support services.
If you would like to explore bereavement counselling or grief therapy, please feel welcome to get in touch here. Together, we can create a safe space for your grief to be acknowledged, understood and gently processed.
