By Cheryl Burgess, Trauma and Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist and Counsellor, Achieve Wellbeing Therapy, Newton Aycliffe, County Durham
Taking the first step towards therapy can feel incredibly difficult. If you are reading this, there is a good chance you have spent weeks, months or even years wondering whether you should reach out for support. The thought of choosing the right therapist can feel overwhelming, anxiety-provoking and, at times, incredibly daunting.
You may be feeling anxious, emotionally exhausted, disconnected from yourself or stuck in patterns that no longer serve you. You may find yourself accepting behaviour that leaves you feeling hurt or undervalued, struggling with self-doubt or simply feeling that life has become harder than it needs to be. If any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone.
As a trauma and attachment-focused psychotherapist and therapeutic counsellor, I am passionate about helping people understand themselves, heal from difficult life experiences and develop the confidence, resilience and self-awareness needed to live happier, more fulfilling lives with meaning and purpose.
Therapy is not simply about talking through problems. It is about understanding why you think, feel and behave the way you do, exploring the beliefs you hold about yourself and others, and identifying patterns that may once have been protective but no longer support you today. Most importantly, it is about supporting you to make meaningful changes while offering practical tools and strategies to help you navigate life more effectively. My goal has always been to empower people to continue growing long after therapy has ended.
I Understand How Difficult It Is to Reach Out
One of the reasons I feel so strongly about creating a safe and welcoming therapeutic environment is because I understand personally how anxiety-provoking it can be to make that first enquiry. Choosing a therapist can feel overwhelming. There are hundreds of therapists available, all with different qualifications, approaches, specialisms and life experiences. It is completely natural to wonder how you are supposed to know who is right for you.
Research consistently shows that one of the strongest predictors of successful therapy outcomes is the quality of the therapeutic relationship itself, often referred to as the therapeutic alliance (Horvath et al., 2011; Norcross and Lambert, 2019). A substantial body of psychotherapy research suggests that while different therapeutic approaches can be effective, the relationship between therapist and client remains one of the most important factors influencing positive outcomes. Wampold and Imel (2015) highlight that common relational factors such as trust, collaboration, empathy and hope account for a significant proportion of therapeutic change across different models.
This does not mean that all therapies are identical or that training and competence are unimportant. Far from it. Professional qualifications, ongoing training, ethical standards and membership of accredited professional bodies all help safeguard clients and ensure therapists practise safely and competently.
What the evidence does suggest is that therapy works best when evidence-based approaches are delivered within a strong, trusting and collaborative relationship. In many respects, the question is not simply “Which therapy is best?” but also “Which therapist feels right for me?”
This is precisely why I offer a free 25-minute consultation, to give you a sense of who I am, how I work and whether I feel like the right fit for you. Therapy should never feel like something being done to you. It should feel like a collaborative process where you feel respected, understood and supported (Rogers, 1957; Cooper, 2008).
My Journey Into Psychotherapy
Before becoming a psychotherapist, I spent many years working as a family solicitor and specialist child lawyer. Alongside this, I became a specialist foster carer for over twenty years, supporting and helping to reparent children with complex attachment difficulties, developmental trauma, emotional regulation challenges and neurodiversity.
This involved extensive training in therapeutic parenting approaches, including Dan Hughes’ PACE model, attachment-informed practice, trauma-informed care and safeguarding. But it was the lived experience, the countless nights spent sitting on the top of the stairs, outside a bedroom door or around the kitchen table at midnight, that deepened my understanding of how trauma affects children, families and relationships.
Those experiences taught me something incredibly important: healing is rarely achieved through a single intervention or one therapeutic approach alone. It requires attunement, consistency and authenticity.
It was this realisation that led me to undertake advanced Level 7 training as a psychotherapist and therapeutic counsellor at Leeds Beckett University. I chose this university not only because of its high standards of education, but because I wanted to develop the knowledge and skills necessary to work in a relational, integrative and trauma-informed way that could be adapted to meet the unique needs of every individual I work with.
I remain deeply grateful to the lecturers, professors, course directors, guest speakers, course administrators, library staff and all the behind-the-scenes teams who make Leeds Beckett the seamless, supportive and professional educational establishment it is. Their knowledge, encouragement and commitment to excellence shaped the therapist I am today.
The Adults Nobody Helped
As I continued my training and professional development, I became increasingly aware of another group of people: the adults who never received the support they needed as children, those who were not seen, not heard, missed, lost or overlooked. Many learned from a very young age to adapt their behaviour in order to stay safe, avoid conflict, gain approval or meet the needs of others while denying their own. They became experts at coping, pleasing, achieving, performing and surviving.
These adaptations often served an important purpose during childhood. But what helps us survive in childhood does not always help us thrive in adulthood. Many of the adults I work with struggle with anxiety, people-pleasing, perfectionism, self-criticism, emotional overwhelm, difficulties with trust, challenges around boundaries or repeated relationship patterns that leave them feeling frustrated and stuck.
These difficulties are rarely signs that something is wrong with you. More often, they are signs that your mind and body developed ways of protecting you at a particular point in your life. Therapy offers an opportunity to understand those protective strategies, appreciate why they developed and decide whether they still serve you today.
Therapy Is Not About Fixing You
One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that people come because they are broken. I have never believed that. People do not need fixing, nor are they problems to be solved. More often, people arrive in therapy because they have spent years carrying responsibilities, managing stress, coping with difficult experiences or putting everyone else’s needs before their own. Eventually, something no longer feels sustainable.
Therapy offers a space to pause and reflect, to step away from the constant demands of daily life and make time for yourself. It allows you to breathe, think, feel and begin making sense of experiences that may have been pushed aside for years. People are not broken. They are often exhausted, overwhelmed, disconnected from themselves or carrying burdens that were never theirs to carry in the first place. Therapy offers an opportunity to put some of those burdens down.
Why Human Connection Matters More Than Artificial Intelligence
We are living in a world where increasing numbers of people are turning to artificial intelligence for emotional support. While AI can provide information, reflection and general guidance, there are significant risks in relying on it as a substitute for therapy.
AI does not know you as a person. It cannot recognise subtle changes in your facial expressions, body language or tone of voice. It cannot sit alongside you and notice the emotion behind the words. It cannot identify when something important is being avoided because it feels too painful to discuss. Most importantly, AI cannot replicate the depth of human connection that sits at the heart of effective therapy. Healing often happens through safe relationships.
Therapy is not simply about receiving information or advice. It is about being understood, accepted and supported by another person who can help you explore difficult experiences and make sense of them. While technology has its place, it cannot replace the empathy, attunement and relational understanding that emerge within a genuine therapeutic relationship.
Online Therapy or Face-to-Face Therapy: Which Is Best?
One question I am often asked is whether online therapy is as effective as face-to-face therapy. The reality is that it depends on personal preference, but what I can say is that 95% of my practice is now online simply to meet the needs of my clients.
Research consistently demonstrates that online therapy can be just as effective as face-to-face therapy for many common mental health difficulties, including anxiety, depression, stress and relationship concerns (Andersson et al., 2014; Carlbring et al., 2018). Studies also suggest that a strong therapeutic alliance can be developed online in much the same way as in person (Norwood et al., 2018). For many people, online therapy increases accessibility, whether due to busy schedules, caring responsibilities, mobility difficulties or geographical limitations. Some clients also find it easier to open up from the comfort of their own home.
Ultimately, what matters most is not whether therapy takes place online or in person, but whether you feel comfortable, safe and connected with your therapist.
My Approach to Therapy
My approach is relational, interactive and integrative. I do not believe in a one-size-fits-all approach. Every person brings a unique history, personality and set of experiences. Together, we may explore what is causing difficulties in the present, your identity and sense of self, your values and beliefs, your attachment patterns, your relationships, coping strategies developed earlier in life, behaviour patterns that may no longer serve you, the impact of trauma on your current life, emotional regulation and resilience, and how to create a meaningful and purposeful life.
Therapists do not tell clients what to do. My role is to help you develop the insight, confidence and self-awareness needed to make decisions that feel right for you. Success in therapy is not measured by how long someone stays in therapy, but by their ability to move forward with greater self-trust, emotional awareness and confidence in their own abilities.
If you would like to take up a free, no-obligation introductory consultation, please get in touch here.
References
Andersson, G., Cuijpers, P., Carlbring, P., Riper, H. and Hedman, E. (2014) ‘Guided internet-based versus face-to-face cognitive behaviour therapy for psychiatric and somatic disorders: A systematic review and meta-analysis’, World Psychiatry, 13(3), pp. 288-295.
Carlbring, P., Andersson, G., Cuijpers, P., Riper, H. and Hedman-Lagerlöf, E. (2018) ‘Internet-based vs face-to-face cognitive behaviour therapy for psychiatric and somatic disorders: An updated systematic review and meta-analysis’, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 47(1), pp. 1-18.
Cooper, M. (2008) Essential Research Findings in Counselling and Psychotherapy: The Facts Are Friendly. London: Sage.
Flückiger, C., Del Re, A.C., Wampold, B.E. and Horvath, A.O. (2018) ‘The alliance in adult psychotherapy: A meta-analytic synthesis’, Psychotherapy, 55(4), pp. 316-340.
Horvath, A.O., Del Re, A.C., Flückiger, C. and Symonds, D. (2011) ‘Alliance in individual psychotherapy’, Psychotherapy, 48(1), pp. 9-16.
Norcross, J.C. and Lambert, M.J. (2019) Psychotherapy Relationships That Work: Evidence-Based Therapist Contributions. 3rd edn.
Rogers, C.R. (1957) ‘The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change’, Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), pp. 95-103.
Wampold, B.E. and Imel, Z.E. (2015) The Great Psychotherapy Debate: The Evidence for What Makes Psychotherapy Work. 2nd edn. New York: Routledge.
